Don’t wear a mask. This is about freedom.

No Mask image

I was headed into the local supermarket when one of the employees asked me to wear a mask. I put on my high-school football helmet. It’s got a mask, right?

The employee guy said that’s not what he meant. I first thought about breaking his arm or maybe shooting his ass. Then I figured I’d just take my disgust about this freedom-hater and his socialist employer right here on the keyboard. This way, my subtle insights will reach a global, like-minded audience without the inconvenience of some libtard, Deep-State editor or social-media content policy overlord censoring it.

Here’s the message, Pinko: this is America. Love it or leave it. We’re number one.

Want proof? The Johns Hopkins University Coronavirus Resource Center has America sporting five times the coronavirus cases and triple the deaths as any other country in the world. Also, I heard we’ve got the most expensive health-care system in the history of the planet.

Take that, you Marxist fucks.

Our unemployment rate is second to none. Sure, Great Depression, you’re still top dog, but hear me now, 1933: we’re coming for you.

Speaking of dogs: unless you’re the lead dog, the view’s always the same.

Bitches.

Sure, I’ll wear a mask: when you put it on my too-warm, pneumonic body as you wheel me from the inpatient tower to the ICU for proning and intubation.

But only then.

Some say (I learned that – “some say” – from Fox News. It’s apparently a way to make speculation sound like a United Nations consensuses statement) that, unless you’ve got an N95 mask (which I’ve stockpiled, just in case), masks don’t protect you from the coronavirus. They protect others around you – others like this supermarket employee who deserves a broken-fucking arm.

Why the hell would I protect others? This is America. Land of the free. Home of the brave.

The brave aren’t afraid of living-dead lipid-sheathed blobs that are one-five-hundredth the width of a human hair and whose protein spikes just happen to latch onto ACE2 receptors and – allegedly – inject their RNA into unsuspecting lung, epithelial and other cells whose machinery is then co-opted to create a zillion little virus clones.

Or so some say they do that.

But do they? Has anybody actually been inside a cell and watched it? Some say SARs-CoV-2 virions are, rather, congregating in empty concert arenas, throwing raves you need a scanning electron microscope to actually see.

And should wuss doctors be running the country anyway?

Some say: hell no.

I’ll wear a mask when wearing a mask doesn’t impinge on the God-given freedoms enunciated (or elucidated, who the fuck knows) in the Declaration of Constitution.

I’ll wear a mask when I adhere to one-way signs and other freedom-squelching semaphoric expressions of traffic laws.

I’ll wear a mask when I comply with Transportation Security Administration rent-a-cop demands that I check that bag in which I packed my AR-15 semiautomatic assault rifle that I use for squirrel hunting.

I’ll wear a mask when I start recognizing the land title system and stop simply declaring various appealing properties my own by fiat.

I’ll wear a mask when I start using sunscreen, which is for total pussies.

I’ll wear a mask when that goddamn supermarket employee stops asking me to wear a mask despite my not wearing a mask.

Live free or die!

Or was it “Live free and die?”

Whatever.

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